Good dating someone going through divorce
If you chose to proceed in dating him, I caution you to proceed slowly and with eyes wide open. Comments like, “Bah, I just want it over,” or “Doesn’t matter, we’ve been strangers for years,” may seem casual, even confident — but they also mask what’s going on underneath and behind the scenes.When a man has truly processed his divorce and moved on, he should be able to speak to it with compassion, kindness, and wisdom.More often than not, it’s anger, self-pity, and feelings of entitlement that fuel a man’s complaints over support. So if you decide to stick around, I’d recommend you prepare for more than a nose full.He might feel he deserves more of a say, more over how she spends the money, among other things. If he was the perpetrator: Though some experts say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater”, I personally think that some people can learn from past mistakes.Child support payments are based on the cold hard numbers reported by both spouses in their tax returns. Like it or not, he has financial responsibilities in taking care of his kids, period.I would be gravely concerned about a man’s character if he did not want to fulfill those commitments. Whether he was the perpetrator of infidelity or the victim, the tailwinds of cheating bring an ugly stench to the divorce process.When he minimizes or avoids the topic, however, it suggests that either he has not yet worked through all the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance); or, he hasn’t yet hashed through the legalities (or possibly even begun). He can’t just flick it off his shoulder as he would a bug. Anger is a normal and healthy phase for your separated man to go through.This is a man who once loved his wife, believed in marriage and the family dream, and committed himself to making it work. But that doesn’t mean it’s your job to deal with it, especially when he might be stuck in this state indefinitely.
Maybe she’s maliciously blocking the kids from seeing him, maybe she has excellent reason to block him, maybe a court date (or five) lies ahead in his future.
( still married; just saying…) Now before anyone accuses me of picking on men, let me hasten to say that separated women can be just as “challenging” to date as separated men.
In fact, I pity any man who dated me when I was separated; I was messed up, and didn’t even know it!
And not to say that you aren’t special, but his infatuation with you has less to do with who you are than how this relationship is presently making him feel.
Rest-assured, his garbage is going to come out – and lucky you, you’ll end up helping him sort it.